Category Archives: instructions

machine language —> machine creole

I upgraded to a BlackBerry recently, the 8130 with Telus and $15 unlimited data. It’s a good deal, if you’re into that sort of thing. The issue I ran into was that the device includes a Google Talk app, but no MSN/Live/RebrandingIsOurMiddleName Messenger app. Now, I know there are third-party IM apps out there for [...]

charlie the methadone man

So the microphone in your new cell phone isn’t working and the people you call can’t hear you very well. You’re going to have to take advantage of that one-year warranty. You are an empowered consumer.
A few tips to make your experience a pleasant one:

You bought it at Wal-Mart? Return it at Wal-Mart. Don’t come [...]

save the dignity of your future self

Battlestar Galactica is pretty fucking cool, isn’t it? Yeah, they’ve done good things with the original premise. But you know what? You’re seventeen years old and you’ve never seen a woman naked. That’s a problem.
I know, you’ve got a god thing going on, what with your mad computer skills and your collection of obscure science [...]

how to get free stuff

The margins on electronic goods are so vast that it’s a cinch to get free stuff from even the most ill-tempered retail sales clerk. The key is make “gimme free shit” the first words out of your mouth as you enter the store. It doesn’t matter if the salesperson hasn’t greeted you or made eye [...]

job’s dog

You can’t just waltz into November without thinking ahead and expect to escape alive with a story to tell. That’s jackass thinking. You gotta lay down some goals first. Set aside a day or two in late October to sketch out some concepts in that navy blue spiral-bound notebook you’re always carrying around with you. [...]