cooler. drier. better.

My name is Regan. These are my amalgamated frivolities.

Driving home from the movie theater last night around midnight, I tuned the radio to the CBC. I do this whenever the four rock radio stations on the car’s presets are aligning in a perfect storm of “ordinary people having a conversation about a product or local business and one of them is way too excited about it” commercials or when the two local stations are both playing the Doobie Brothers and the Edge is playing moody 80s synth-pop and Alex Hindmarch is on Q107 talking little-known Who facts.

My friend Brent and I had just seen District 9. It has aliens exploding humans and alien-human hybrids and spaceships and heart. It was good. I was happy.

The CBC Radio 1 was airing a documentary consisting of brief interviews with UFO conspiracy theorists. The first line I heard was “Why are the aliens raping human women?”

“To create alien-human hybrids, of course. I saw one at a UFO convention a few years ago. He looked like a regular human but there was something different in… in his aura, like maybe he had been implanted with some technology to broadcast alien messages to the people of Earth.”

They then cut to the guy who thinks that Nazi Germany retreated to Inner Earth, the secret domain inside our hollow planet, at the end of the Second World War, and that UFOs come from the poles (gateways to Inner Earth, of course) and are piloted by Nazi aliens.

I tuned back to the Doobie Brothers.