I got the co-op student to take my shift last Sunday. He quit or got fired or ran away or fell off a balcony or sold the wrong stuff to the wrong guy on Saturday and his tenure here is over. So my shift fell into someone else’s hands. She’s an interesting character too, but [...]
So the microphone in your new cell phone isn’t working and the people you call can’t hear you very well. You’re going to have to take advantage of that one-year warranty. You are an empowered consumer.
A few tips to make your experience a pleasant one:
You bought it at Wal-Mart? Return it at Wal-Mart. Don’t come [...]
I’m rebranding this thing as The Co-op Student Chronicles. The new shtick is that every post’s title will refer to lyrics or song titles from Fastball’s landmark 1998 album “All the Pain Money Can Buy.”
So the co-op student waltzes into work yesterday half an hour late with several layers of bandages taped all over his [...]
The co-op student goes in for face surgery tomorrow. I completely expect him to try to start selling his painkillers at the mall kiosk the following day.
In other news, it was very warm today and to celebrate, Sherry roasted a chicken. It tasted like Jesus and thyme but now my apartment is very hot.
The head/face injury hasn’t diminished the co-op student’s razor wit.
“That guy’s such a fucking flamer. I just wanna punch him, don’t you?”
“This fucking chapstick is so fucking expensive. It’s like $5.27 a tube.”
The co-op student went out drinking at The Bar on Friday night and got punched in the face so hard both his eyes are black and his nose is bent sideways and doctors are going to have to re-break it later to straighten it out.
There’s no way for me to express my true feelings about [...]
“Man I can’t believe I gotta give all this fuckin’ cash to my fuckin’ parents. I gotta buy some clothes for like back to school and shit.”
“I can’t believe a whole two weeks’ pay is only like this thick. Man if I was a drug dealer I could make a stack like twice this thick [...]
“I seen this video on the internet and this guy, I think he’s eye-rack-ee, they chop off his foot and leave it lying in the street. It was hilarious.”
“You want the number for a good taxi service? The guy’s name is Sadar and he’s like Iraq-ian. He’ll get you to The Bar, flat rate.”
“Man I [...]
“There’s a lot of fuckin’ hot girls working here.”
“This one time at the bar…?”
(Into the phone) “You got a bad attitude, man. Next time I see you I’m going punch you in the fuckin’ face.”
[He farts.] … [He chuckles.]
“Wanna see pictures of my girlfriend on Facebook? She’s fuckin’ hot.”