The race cars are back. More to come.
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Beta Blog
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unstable branch
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intelligibility quotient
True story. Guy walks up and buys a prepaid phone card and asks where the other Jesus is. Because two Jesi work here, I spose.
fifty cents now! madness!
Dear the girl weeping into the payphone,
I sympathise with your breakup and the fact that you hate your stepdad and how you Just Can’t Fight Any More, but you need to take this half-hour word-puke to a private place or I’m going to climb a ladder and staple shag carpet to the ceiling so I [...]
myths from the cellular front
“Telus is different cause they use towers. Rogers uses satellites, right, so there’s always one around, and if you connect to the roaming satellite instead of the regular satellite, that’s where you get roaming charges.”
And we smile and nod.
shit be cyclical, dog
I don’t remember the children’s sobs of suffering and anguish being this intense last year. Perhaps this year’s surrogate Santa is creepier than last year’s? Perhaps the children are gradually cluing in to the fact that their parents are placing them in dire peril for a few moments’ amusement and a $10 five-by-eight?
It’s a real [...]
jesus came from outer space
The Mall’s idea of festive muzak is to play about a dozen different versions of “Santa Baby” recorded by a host of slutty female voices and slutty male voices and emotionless-yet-still-slutty digital vocoders.
Mix in some Bing and a few tracks from the soundtrack from Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown and you’ve got Xmas Shopping Funtimes.
I am [...]
grape nehi
Nhi and Huy has the best pan-Asian mall-cuisine of all times and spaces. You need to know this.
pictures with santa (pitchers with sanna)
Bored? Bring your easily-startled bull terrier to the Bayfield Greymarketorium and dump him in the velvet-clothed lap of a sweaty, bearded stranger who smells like sad old man and frightened toddlers! The incessant terrified barking will make the children cry and do wonders for the cellphone guy’s headache.
While you’re there, ask the cellphone guy for [...]
rare who roast beast
The X-mas decorations went up sometime between Sunday and today. The Bayfield Communal Commerce Pavilion is now home to several constellations of giant reflective balls. Every skylight cutout in the ceiling houses a festive almost-working replica of the Jupiter system.
My heart remains two sizes too small.
I’m sure The Management will take care of that by [...]
don’t get used to yourself — you’re going to have to change
A woman who works here at the Bayfield Communal Commerce Necropolis, where youthful exuberance and small-business loans go to die, has dressed up as evangelical Christianity. Presumably for Hallowe’en. It was funny for the few seconds it took her to walk boldly past my kiosk. But then I thought about it until I was offended. [...]