Between the eyeglasses store and my LG-and-angst enclosure there is a candelabra and two folding tables and some fake cobwebs and a pile of plastic swords and shields. This is all cordoned off with caution tape.
This does not bode well.
If the larp gets too intense I guess I’ll shut down and get an early start [...]
They are larping in the lower level of the mall.
And the whole place is unaccountably busy.
So the only way this mall can make any money is with local twentysomethings behind a rope partition with Spock ears glued onto their heads and wearing cardboard-and-tinfoil armor and doing epic battle with plastic swords.
There’s a tear and there [...]
The guy who runs the retirement-slogan-t-shirts and formaldehyde-leaking-Croc-shoes-ripoff kiosk is taking a very long time to fire a very crying employee in the middle of this enforced buying space. Right next to me. Loudly.
We’re all professionals here. There was a newspaper involved and she had to catch the 9:05 bus.
Take all the bullshit I put [...]
Slice is recruiting for a new “reality TV” series in the Bayfield Retail Ghetto. I’ve always wondered where TV production companies dig up all the toothless ignorant hacks they’re all the time parading across the superflat screens of the world. Turns out I’ve been at the epicentre of the recruiting industry for over a year. [...]
Dear Internet,
These are crazy times.
Last July some friends came to visit us for the weekend at Sherry’s parents’ sweetcorn/tax-evasion/polygamy compound in the sparsely populated flatlands outside of town. There were pink drinks and brown drinks and salty snacks and computer generated tennis matches all over the place. Tudor took a picture of me at the [...]
So I’m just standing here, ruminating. Flipping through my RSS feeds. Leisurely.
I’m a very important man so my feed reader is PACKED! But I’m keeping on top of it.
A forty-some-odd-year-old woman walks up, with two kids in tow. She’s picking them up from LEGO Store Summer Day Camp 2007. It’s the most popular and profitable [...]
Phone calls from payphones now cost 50 cents instead of 25.
Yes, payphones still exist.
But now whenever you answer a call that originated from a payphone you get to hear an intelligent and interesting rant about how it’s now 50 cents to make a phone call and that’s outrageous. And everyone standing next to the payphone [...]
I got the co-op student to take my shift last Sunday. He quit or got fired or ran away or fell off a balcony or sold the wrong stuff to the wrong guy on Saturday and his tenure here is over. So my shift fell into someone else’s hands. She’s an interesting character too, but [...]
A brush-cutted, sleeveless father with sunglasses perched high on his forehead enters the Bayfield Enforced Buying Space with his brush-cutted, sleeveless son trailing behind. He sniffs the air and declares to no one in particular, “It smells like Florida in here.”
Just as I get up to open a web browser and relay this message to [...]
I am the Rogue Information Desk. The cellular telephones and accessories and brochures I have on display are misdirection, to send the foolish mainstreamers, with their clean teeth and sound bodies and common courtesy, to the “real” information desk. The secret of the “real” information desk is that they lie to you. But that’s okay; [...]