They’re playing Sufjan Stevens on the Muzak. I don’t know what this place is anymore.
The Mall’s idea of festive muzak is to play about a dozen different versions of “Santa Baby” recorded by a host of slutty female voices and slutty male voices and emotionless-yet-still-slutty digital vocoders.
Mix in some Bing and a few tracks from the soundtrack from Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown and you’ve got Xmas Shopping Funtimes.
I am [...]
For his mind-destroying and nauseating contributions to “contemporary” Christmas music, Paul McCartney has earned a place on my enemies list.
The X-mas decorations went up sometime between Sunday and today. The Bayfield Communal Commerce Pavilion is now home to several constellations of giant reflective balls. Every skylight cutout in the ceiling houses a festive almost-working replica of the Jupiter system.
My heart remains two sizes too small.
I’m sure The Management will take care of that by [...]
A woman who works here at the Bayfield Communal Commerce Necropolis, where youthful exuberance and small-business loans go to die, has dressed up as evangelical Christianity. Presumably for Hallowe’en. It was funny for the few seconds it took her to walk boldly past my kiosk. But then I thought about it until I was offended. [...]
While Sherry may have a hard time getting into the X-mas spirit, I’m doing fine (now that it’s December) and I may actually start my gift shopping this week. And I have Ben Folds’s “Bizarre Christmas Incident” to thank. It’s a song so festive and joyful it almost undoes the hours of late-nineties electronic remixes [...]
An old man walks up to the kiosk where I’m eating an apple and doing the crossword. “Is there a Bell store in this mall?”
“Nope.” There’s a Dollarama and a Super Discount City and an As Seen On TV! in this mall, but no Bell store. C’est si dommage.
“Whassat?”
“Nope.”
“Is there a Bell store here?”
“There is [...]